November 20, 2006

Dear Aunt Flo,

Every month I get a visit from you like clockwork. For the most part I don't mind, as I've become used to you, after enduring over 20 years of these visits. I feel we've become rather "close." Those first few years you were pretty irregular, but I didn't mind that since I was a teenager and had no real need for a schedule in my life yet. I know I like to bitch about you to my friends, and I can't say this makes me sorry. I really enjoy ranting about you.

I've gotten used to your visits causing obnoxious side effects. Headaches, abdominal pain, irritability. The stress of your impending visit sometimes makes me eat more junk food, and I gain weight and retain water like crazy. But I'm used to this as well, and have learned to deal with it. You are part of my life, just like many other obnoxious relatives.

But this month, give me a break! You are acting so gushy and have caused serious upheaval to my routine. Why must you be so overbearing this time?? I find I'm having to check on you at least hourly, otherwise I discover you've made a huge mess of yourself again. And although I haven't noticed any headaches this time (yet!), you have instead caused me to break out in acne. I'm way too old for this nonsense, don't you agree?

Unfortunately, the only way I am able to finally be rid of you involves me paying an arm and a leg to hire an assassin to take you out with sharp objects, and I stand to lose work time and pay as I take time to recover from your death. You are very difficult to get rid of.

Just get this visit over with already, and feel free to make it 5 weeks between visits next time, OK?



Anonymous said...

I read you, loud and clear! So sorry.... but it's often better than the alternatives, right?

Hang in there. If you were closer, I'd bring you some chocolate!

Bull said...

Why put up with it then? I know I wouldn't.

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Bull, thanks for the link. I tried that once for a year when I was investigating why I get headaches so much. I skipped the pill week that had no hormones in it and went straight to the first week of pills in a new pkg. Unfortunately I STILL got it.

I've also tried multiple pills that put normal women off their period, but not me.

I'm thinking my only option is hysterectomy. Something I'm not so sure I want to do at age 34, and I'm not so sure I'd be able to convince my doc to do it either.

And, I can't pee standing up. Men have it so good. It's really lame. You will have to forgive me for constantly harping on about menstruation.

And, I'm imagining you googling menstruation and it makes me smile! Hopefully nobody caught you at it!

Anonymous said...

Well written, Lisa. Thanks for the visit, by the way. I've been wanting to pay you a visit myself, but never managed until now. :c)
See you at Chaos!

Just one of many said...

That's one of the reasons I thank any god for they hysterectomy! But unfortunately, I still get wicked PMS because I kept my overies...should have had those removed as well! Thanks for your words of advice on my blog...I actually cried damnit! :)

Bishop Rick said...

Duh, I just got this post. I'm thinking, "Gee, SML is being a little harsh on her aunt Flo!"

And then I read all the responses and still don't get it...wondering what menstruation has to do with headaches and hysterectomies.

Then I have an epiphany.
Is it obvious I stand up when I pee?

Janet M. Kincaid said...

All I can say is, AMEN!

I'm still begging my internist and my gynecologist to give me a hysterectomy for my birthday, Christmas, Easter, Ramadan, Rosh Hashana, whatever, whenever. And still the answer is no.

I'll tell you... I'm having a few choice words with God when I get to the other side.

Dayngr said...

OMG I was so totally going to do an Aunt Flo post. LOL! You beat me to it. Loved it!

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Taiko Tari, I look forward to getting to know you better over at Chaos.

Joom, I'll remember to have the ovaries taken if I ever have a hysterectomy done. But if I have one, what will I have to blog about??

Bishop, you make me laugh. You and your epiphanies!

Janet, there is a doc somewhere out there who will listen to you, it's just a matter of finding one.

Dayngr, you should totally go ahead and post. Aunt Flo loves attention, you may have noticed.

A soul, finally free. said...

hahahaha...oh you make me laugh. I just love you. You are just so refreshing. SHe has been visiting me for 5 years and it still hasn't become regular visitor, just drops in unexpected...that son of a , oh never mind! I would just like to know when I can expect her visit so I can be crabby and have an excuse and not have to clean up her unexpected messes!! Errrrr.