December 20, 2007

If I were free of all fear, I would...Guest Post #5

free from fear

fear is the feeling, the false reality, the insidiousness that binds us, fetters us, keeps us stuck

fear of what is out there away from the shelter and support of family weighs heavy on me…family fears for me, wants me to stay close, discounts my happiness in favor of what is frightening…this fear is a direct outgrowth of religious training, which is rooted in fear as a mechanism to keep adherents on the straight and narrow, holding to the rod, contemplating every possible consequence to the point of debilitating standstill…all in an effort to achieve perfection and immortality…all while letting life pass me by

free from fear

if i were, i would sell all that i have and follow my bliss…my bliss would be “making it up” as i move along…i would be a butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker…i would open a card shop, a gift shop, a flower shop, a book shop, a cakes and cookies shop…i would write children’s books, coloring books, novels, erotica…i would go back to school and climb mountains and swim oceans and become wise…i would only work for me and never answer to anyone ever again…i would learn to do well the things i love best: cooking, writing, capturing beauty in word, picture, and paint…i would buy a vw van and live in it, worrying only about gas and food and where to bathe; no utility bills, no mortgage payment, no settling, and being stuck in one place…i would be a vagabond and stop worrying about responsible stability

free from fear

if i were, i would stand up to my parents and clearly articulate to them who i am and why i have made the choices i’ve made in my life…i would resign my membership in the church and do it without regret…i would never question again whether i’ve made the right choices and whether i’m going to hell or whether god loves me…i would never worry about whether i’m enough and i would stop worrying about how to avoid upsetting my family or hurting their feelings while suppressing my own…i would never again apologize for who i am

free from fear

if i were, i would go to berlin and london and rome, delhi and beijing and moscow, yellowknife and macchu picchu and patagonia, kinshasa and tangier and istanbul, taos and fargo and niagara…i would breath in their beauty…in the darkness i inhabit, i would walk the avenues of paris, hand in hand…in the luminescence of the city of lights, my darkness would melt away and my heart would grow warm and passionate again…you would be there…i would be there…the energy would be palatable…but real…and i would embrace it without fear

free from fear

if i were, i would free my better half…we stay together out of fear, false security, ease…i would free us from each other…then, i would find my way to the one i love, have always loved, still love…i would stand on her doorstep and to her and the neighbors and the world around declare, i love you…i would not fear whether she would love me in return or send me packing…i would only fear not saying those words…i love you

if i were…

4 comments:

aka madre said...

Beautiful

aka Madre

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Anon, this is simply beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this with us all. I was touched by it.

Beat Dad said...

Living out my VW comes up a lot for me too.

When you are living on the edge of your drivers seat like that there is not much time to worry about where your next meal might come from.

Finding a place to park for the night, and breaking down are really the only worries.

Make sure you get an older Bus, pre -fuel injection, so, you can work on it your self.

The few times I have been homeless were some of the most interesting times.

Phoenix Touch said...

I found myself wishing that this post was written by the man I love, have loved, still love... even after all these years. And I think about what it would be like to open the door and see him standing there. Answered prayers... in the very least.

Thank you for the heartfelt share.