September 14, 2006

Ode to Molly the Mormon

The Girl in a Whirl
By ‘Dr. Sue’
(a.k.a. Vickie Gunther)

Look at me, look at me, look at me now!
You could do what I do
If you only knew how.
I study the scriptures one hour each day;
I bake,
I upholster,
I scrub,
and I pray.

I always keep all the commandments completely;
I speak to my little ones gently and sweetly.
I help in their classrooms!
I sew all they wear!
I drive them to practice!
I cut all their hair!
I memorize names of the General Authorities;
I focus on things to be done by priorities.

I play the piano!
I bless with my talents!
My toilets all sparkle!
My checkbooks all balance!
Each week every child gets a one-on-one date;
I attend all my meetings (on time! Never late!)
I’m taking a class on the teachings of Paul,
But that is not all! Oh no! That is not all.

I track my bad habits ‘til each is abolished;
Our t-shirts are ironed! My toenails are polished!
Our family home evenings are always delightful;
The lessons I give are both fun and insightful.
I do genealogy faithfully, too.
It’s easy to do all the things that I do!
I rise each day early, refreshed and awake;
I know all the names of each youth in my stake!

I read to my children! I help all my neighbors!
I bless the community, too, with my labors.
I exercise and I cook menus gourmet;
My visiting teaching is done the first day!
(I also go do it for someone who missed hers.
It’s the least I can do for my cherished ward sisters.)
I chart resolutions and check off each goal;
I seek each “lost lamb” on my Primary roll.

I can home-grown produce each summer and fall.
But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all.
I write in my journal!
I sing in the choir!
Each day, I write “thank you’s” to those I admire.
My sons were all Eagles when they were fourteen!
My kids get straight A’s!
And their bedrooms are clean!

I have a home business to help make some money;
I always look beautifully groomed for my honey.
I go to the temple at least once a week;
I change the car’s tires! I fix the sink’s leak!
I grind my own wheat and I bake all our bread;
I have all our meals planned out six months ahead.
I make sure I rotate our two-year’s supply;
My shopping for Christmas is done by July!

These things are not hard;
‘Tis good if you do them;
You can if you try!
Just set goals and pursue them!
It’s easy to do all the things that I do!
If you plan and work smart, you can do them all, too!
“It’s easy!” she said
And then she dropped dead.

14 comments:

La said...

God, SML. I just had a weird twilight zone moment as you described, to a T, my life.

Ooh, the timer just went off. Bread is done!! Now I gotta toss the roast in the slow cooker.

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Unfortunately (or fortunately) for me, this poem better describes my husband - less the church references - than it does me. I have NEVER been a domestic goddess. Love me, love my house.

MMMmmm, fresh baked bread. I'll be there in 10 hours.

La said...

Just ask those around me. I'm the epitome of domestic goddess, church references included. ;)

Sideon said...

I was waiting for the dark side to come in sooner :)

Molly Mormon sounds like she's on speed, valium, and percodan. Perhaps all at the same time.

The poem is chilling, riveting and completely dismaying!

Run away, run away!!!

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Eric, any comment? I'm asking those around you...

:) I like you, however, domestic goddess or not! (hopefully not!)

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Sid, I'd have to bet on Prozac as well as those drugs you listed. For sure.

Molly The Mormon said...

Sister Mary,

What a beautiful ode. Do you mind if I post that on my blogernacle?

It is worth a Sunbeam point.

Molly the Mormon

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Post away, Molly, post away. Make sure you run it by your bishop first.

Eric said...

Sound a little Stepford Wives to anyone else??? Where can I get one of these! LOL

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Actually, Eric, you can pick from many down where you are. Yikes.

Eric said...

Many would be thrilled if I would just pick one - any one! Oh the life of being old and not married in Utah. Hurts everyone but me. Just call me Monte Bilbro!

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Oh shit, I hope you didn't read into my comment that I thought you should get married!! Not. I was only saying that Utah probably has the highest Molly Mormon population. Sigh. I think you're great, just the way you are. Besides...where're you gonna find someone as perfect as that sis you married when you were 4??

A soul, finally free. said...

Geeze. I have been reading Molly Mormon's blog and I sure hope it is a joke. I mean is she for real? You might need to help me out, I mean I am easily fooled..( I was lds for 16 years, that should tell you how foolish I am.) Well best of luck to Molly MOrmon....this was a fantastic ode.haha.

Eric said...

True!