Last night I went to my primary presidency meeting. I was a bit nervous since I found out this week that my "friend" notified the RS pres who notified at least the high priest group leader (who sent the letter I got) and probably the bishop about my questioning whether the church is true or not. So I feared before my meeting last nite that the primary pres also heard about it and would say something at our meeting.
The worst case scenario played out in my mind: the other members of the presidency discussing me behind my back and having a sort of "intervention" discussion at our meeting. Thankfully that didn't happen. I wondered through the whole meeting if the president would be talking to me in private later since I usually drive her home after the meeting, because she walks to the house where we have it but it's dark by the time we're done. I did drive her home, and no mention of my "problem." So.....I get to wait and wonder and see if they discuss me at their next ward council with all the auxiliary leaders. I wouldn't be surprised, although I find this offensive. What a breach of my privacy. I expect it will happen though. Just like La when someone reported in a meeting of leaders that they saw her wearing normal shorts without garments. Sheece.
I'm wondering if those who know about me have noticed that neither of my kids have been to church for the last two Sundays, although I have been there. I'm sure the RS pres has noticed, since her son is the deacon's quorum president and my son is his first counselor. And it's a small quorum, so it's really obvious when one is not there. She probably thinks I'm inactive already since she hasn't seen me as I've been in the primary room during Sac. Mtg. and all through church. Two Sundays ago my son was at soccer tryouts during church, and my daughter was so tired she wouldn't get up after me trying 5 times to get her to budge out of bed. Didn't happen, and my heart just wasn't into the whole forcing-my-kids-to-come-with-me routine. The same happened this last Sunday. I had to go early to set up chairs in primary so I tried to wake up my kids but neither of them wanted to come. We had been out late the night before playing board games at my SIL's house, and I didn't have the heart to force them to go where I didn't want to go either. I remember my parents forcing me to go to church my whole childhood and I thought, WHY?? Unfortunately I forgot to mention that to my husband as I left and he had no clue the kids were home, and it shocked him when my son came walking upstairs at 11:00.
I resent my friend so much for turning me in like that. Damn! I'd much rather have thought this through on my own time and on my own terms and maybe drafted a letter to those people I actually care about at church to let them know what's up with me. Now I'm looking at everyone and wondering if they know about my private thoughts and if they are judging me or not.
I hate this.