August 31, 2006

NEWSFLASH!

THIS JUST IN…

The Spirit World Daily Chronicle reported today that at least three eyewitnesses saw Joseph Smith exiting a chariot wearing a hat, dark glasses, and fake moustache. Smith is wanted for questioning regarding the mob riot that occurred just over a hundred years ago in the spirit world. He somehow managed to escape the mob, and has been in hiding ever since.

Investigations into Smith's mob reveal that it consists mainly of female spirits, many of whom are angry at Smith for deceiving them and for teaching them falsehoods about the after life and the so-called "Plan of Salvation." They are angry that they gave up their lives and their loves while following his "prophetic" counsel. Many spirits here have discovered that they were in fact lied to while on Earth, laboring their whole lives under the illusion that the church that Smith founded was in fact true. The more angry males in the mob seem to be the men who were husbands and fathers to Smith's many wives on Earth. Questioning these men seems to bring out anger that is immeasurable by Heaven's standards.

Authorities have questioned Brigham Young to determine if he knows the whereabouts of Smith, considering how close the two were on Earth. He seemed to be too busy to answer questions, however, because he had a mob of his own surrounding him. Investigations are underway to determine the cause of the apparent prevalence of black spirits in this mob.

Emma Hale Smith, who was married to Smith on Earth, insists that she does not know where Smith may be hiding. She claims that she had no clue while on Earth that her husband was practicing deception on such a grand scale, and she maintains that she'd like to find him just as much as the mob. "He had better HOPE that there is a Savior, because he's going to need one when I get through with him!" said Emma. She thinks that a good place for investigators to start searching for him is with all the past "prophets" or presidents of the church Joseph founded on Earth, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She feels that these men maintained and perpetuated the falsehoods just as much as Smith did, and that they are probably in hiding with him to avoid being implicated. She commented that the only reason that Brigham Young is not in hiding is because "he's pompous and arrogant enough to think that he did no wrong, and he'd never stoop so low as to actually hide or feel shame in what he's done."

Anyone who has information on the whereabouts of Joseph Smith or his successors who acted as presidents of the LDS church should contact the authorities immediately.

5 comments:

C.L. Hanson said...

Sounds like... Warren Jeffs' arrest?

You're giving JLO a run for his money on clever parodies of real LDS current events. ;-)

Sideon said...

Simply awesome :)

Just one of many said...

This was great! He and the rest of the prophets are responsible for the misery of millions :D

GuateMom said...

I like your writing! Sounds like a sight to see.

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Thanks, guys. Of course, this didn't cross my mind because of Warren Jeffs...I was driving and it occurred to me that if Joseph lied, then he'd have some serious answering to do in the next life, and there will be some really pissed off people there. I wouldn't want to be him, that's for sure.