An LDS baby shower

A couple days ago I got an invitation in the mail that read:

You're invited to an open house for mom & baby!

It was listed as being given by a friend I know from way back (Anna) and a woman I had never heard of, and all it said below was "Bring a gift for mom or baby. If you haven't already!"

I tried calling the friend I know to see if the other woman was her daughter having a baby (although I didn't think she had a daughter with that name) or find out who the shower was for, but she wasn't home, so I figured I'd not go since I had a soccer game anyway that lasted until after the baby shower started.

During the soccer game, however, I saw Anna in the stadium seats (our sons are on the team together) so I asked her what she was doing here if she was also throwing a baby shower...and I asked her who it was for.

She said it was for my best LDS friend who had a baby three weeks ago ~ they had forgotten to put her or her baby's name on the invite!

I have gone to lunch with Anna once since my disaffection and told her I had left the church and why. She's an awesome woman and we have always liked each other, without ever making time to really do things together besides that one lunch. Ours is the type of friendship where we'll see each other and the joy we each feel is apparent, yet we've never worked in a calling together or even been in the same ward in the last 8 or 9 years. But every time we see each other at a sports function or at the grocery store, we talk like there has been no time in between.

My friend who the shower was for may or may not know of my disaffection. She and I worked in the primary presidency together, were visiting teaching partners for years, and her husband was my home teacher and bishop for five years. They are good friends of ours, and we go have dinner at their home once or twice a year as time allows. We've been to dinner in their home since my disaffection, but nothing was discussed like I expected. They have eight children now so life is complicated for her. She is only 37 years old. She is an absolute saint. If I had that many children, I'd have already lost my mind. I still can't believe I got voted Most Likely To Have Eight Children in my high school yearbook. WTF??

I took my 9 year old daughter and we got there an hour late. I had wondered if anyone would ask me about leaving the church, because this was the first all-LDS function I've attended since leaving the church. Strangely, I wasn't worried, just wondered if it would happen. Ten months ago I'd have been in paranoid panic mode. As it turns out, this was a party with about twenty ladies, and all but four were strangers to me.

It was a fun time, I really love my friend Anna and also the one whose party it was. We had fun laughing and I cracked a few jokes which was fun ~ can you believe someone gifted her bath salts that were said to be an APHRODISIAC right on the label??? How could I NOT joke about the cruel humor of whoever gifted that to her?? I haven't done anything social like that in a while. Good times. I'm very glad I went.

It was interesting to note that nobody whom we were both friends with while working in the primary together were there. Sadly, often in Mormon culture it seems that your best friends tend to be the ones you currently work with, and moving into another ward or getting a different calling (job to do) sometimes causes you to not see or talk to good friends anymore whom you'd have sworn were kindred spirits.

I need to write a note to this friend and tell her I've left the church. Likely she's wondering or hurt why I never trusted her enough to say something.

In my fortune cookie tonight...

You will soon find a treasure.

Sounds promising.

Yessssss.

Guess whose passport showed up in the mail today!

Utah Drivers

OK, I had to laugh at Melliferous Pants' blog...she's so damn funny. She recently moved to Utah from California and has discovered the suckiness that is Utah drivers.

I speculated my ideas of why this is so:

Seriously. I have a theory about the aggressiveness of Utah drivers. It has much to do with the Mormon superiority complex combined with the conscious suppression of aggression in other areas of life in order to appear more spirichul and Christlike in front of their peers.

I could be wrong, of course.

And now I have another possible theory. Men with priesthood powah rule in all things, yea, even the highway. Women drivers, sensing this and how very wrong it is, step up their aggression a notch in the one place they can anonymously do so. Not like they can do it at home with their priesthood-wielding man, right?

Regardless of the reason (hell, it could be a combination of all three we've speculated on - Pants said that perhaps the Utah drivers are so righteous they know nothing could possibly harm them), the sad truth is that Utah drivers suck eggs.

I suggested that she create some bumper stickers to sell in Utah:

Let your light so shine, even while you drive, asshole

Praise to the Man who communed with his road rage

Let us All Press On in Cutting Each Other Off

Will You Drive This Bad in the Celestial Kingdom?

~~I thought of a few more...

God be with you 'til you speed again

Have I Done Any Good on this road today?

No garments? THAT explains why you're driving the speed limit!

Forgive me, brothers and sisters, I'm late for a(nother) meeting!

I don't cut people off on Sundays, so back off!

I am your chance to practice Christlike love and forgiveness.

Any other bumper stickers you can think of?

Ten Jobs I do NOT Want

Tagged by Natalie Collins to list ten jobs I'd hate to have.

1. Movie theater clerk
See my thoughts on this here.

2. Ride operator at an amusement park
Hot weather wipes me out. Screaming kids don't appeal to me in the slightest. I won't even mention my aversion to puke as that seems obvious.

3. Ski patrol
I don't care for skiing OR cold weather, although it is cozy and nice in a ski lodge...so I'd work there. Or play there. *Ahem*

4. Lifeguard
Sun. Hates. Me. Oh, and the swimming thing is an issue, sadly. And the being-seen-in-a-swimsuit thing too.

5. Person who gives bikini waxes
I saw this video and although it was interesting, I know I could never be one who inflicts that kind of pain on others.

6. Dog pound employee
Three years ago when we decided to find a smaller dog to buy for our kids for Christmas, I began checking the dog pound every day. There is no more depressing place. Small cages, sad dog eyes, incessant barking and whining. Bad smells. Death for the unwanted. Ugh.

7. Accountant
I know, I do books, payroll, and cost-tracking for a living. But doing deeply detailed analyses and taxes for a living sounds like migraine-every-day stuff to me.

8. Butcher/Meat Cutter
Cold conditions, bad smells, greasy floors, nasty smells, bloody meat, freezing cold freezers, horrible smells, and a lot of frigid temperatures.

9. Roofer
Working on a rooftop in the extreme heat is not my idea of fun. I'd faint and fall off the roof in a beautifully non-graceful display of heat stroke perfection.

10. Oncologist
I know they have great job security, but how horrible would it be to treat only cancer patients all day? That would be depressing as hell for someone like me.

The Blessings of Tithing

Growing up, I had a strong testimony of tithing. Basically, I was certain that when I paid 10% of my gross income, I'd be blessed financially and in myriad other ways I didn't know, such as my washer wouldn't break down like it may have done had I not been paying my tithing, or I could avoid getting sick if I payed paying, that kind of thing. Every time my husband or I got a raise over the years, I made sure to tell him that I KNEW that it was because God was blessing me for paying tithing on my half of our income.

Well, as you may have read in my previous post, on Monday I got to work to find I had received an unexpected 10% raise. (Could the 10% be a coincidence??) Because, you see, I haven't paid tithing in a year. When I updated the Employee Raise Log I keep, I saw that since October of last year, I've had three raises that total more than a 20% raise. That doesn't include some generous bonuses I've also received in the last ten months.

Monday after work, I drove to the bank to deposit my (now larger) check. As I was driving out of the bank drive-up, my son called, asking where I was since practice just ended and his friend who gets a ride from us needed to get to voice lessons. I looked at my gas gauge that had been below empty all day, and realized I didn't have time to get gas like I had planned. I figured I could drive the four miles to my son's friend's house and would get gas at the station near his home.

Halfway there, my car began sputtering and I knew the worst had happened. For the first time in my life, I actually ran out of gas.

Perhaps I should have paid my tithing. What a pain in the ass.

Inoculation

I forgot to tell you I wrote a comment on Mormon Matters that I copied over on Main Street Plaza. Check it out. There's a lot of good reading over there, actually, from many great writers.

The comment I posted there was in response to the idea that the church should "inoculate" its members with the truths that so far have been withheld or kept out of the lesson manuals and conference talks. There is some debate that the church would not survive such a thing happening vs. some who feel that the church better do it or it will keep losing members, especially the youth, in droves.

Kudos to Mayan Elephant and Equality for their awesome comments on the podcast. I think you guys rock! It was awesome to hear John Hamer, Ann (Porter?) and John Dehlin too.

I've been really busy for the last week, but hope to get back to my regularly scheduled blogging soon! Gotta love it.

How to have a good Monday:

Arrive at work to find you've been given an unexpected and hefty raise.

random randomness

I wish I were here vs. at work right now.

I'm about to begin my hell week as soon as I publish this post. Ugh.

I want to welcome HM-UK to our Paris plans! Glad you're able to be there too!

I have found myself lately being conscious of people who eat alone at restaurants. I feel compassion for them and I don't know why. There's just something about someone stopping to sit and eat in order to sustain life. Watching a stranger chewing his food fills me with such compassion and I don't know why. Anyone else feel this?

We finally got a cold front that moved in to relieve us of the hot weather. Sweet bliss! This is my kind of cool.

My computer at work keeps giving me warning messages about the hard drive needing to be backed up and the help desk called. I ordered a new computer yesterday. Transferring all my data and stuff is gonna be a pain in the ass. But hopefully I can do it when I say I'm good and ready, and not because my hard drive crashed on me. The idea of my computer crashing gives me hives ~ it's a bookkeeper's nightmare.

For some reason I haven't created art in a year (except that one ceramic plate I painted and posted here). I can feel the creative artist in me getting pissed at this, and need to get my paper and drawing board out again. Perhaps the creative writer inside is trying to dominate things??

No, I do not have multiple personality disorder. Do too! Do not! Then who am I? Shut UP ~ I'M the one in charge here! Go away!

I really want to tell my host sister from Austria that I'll be close to her in Paris in November...but that would mean inviting her and admitting that I've left the LDS church, because those of us going are exmos. And I know that if she knows I'm in Europe and haven't made plans to see her, she'll be hurt. Or if I tell her I've gone after the fact, she'll be hurt. All this after I already hurt her terribly. That story is for another post or three.

I need to start walking more to prepare for the walking in Paris. I'm pretty out of shape, and don't want to be the one in the group who's constantly gulping for air and complaining that I think I just died.

The plants in my office are horrendous. I don't have a green thumb, obviously. I refuse to post pictures and risk losing your respect and esteem. Part of it is the cleaning people's fault. They spray chemicals on the desk which leave my leaves spotted and awful. Mostly it's me and my inability to remember when it's time to water.

Leaving our dachsund alone while we go to work and school is very difficult. Oh, those sad eyes from this morning are haunting me! He needs a friend. Honey?

I love that I could wear jeans and flip flops to work today. Makes me happy.

I've put off that pile next to me long enough. If you don't hear from me by next Tuesday, you'll know I didn't make it and the pile won.

Getting to Know You

Tagged once again...this time by Montchan, my good friend I'll be meeting in Paris in November! Yeah, I'm excited about that.


1. What time did you get up this morning?
Since it's Saturday, I woke up around 10. Got up even later. Heh heh.

2. How do you like your steak?
Medium rare to rare.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Whatever it was, it must have been dumb 'cause none of us remember...

4. What is your favorite TV show?
The Unit.

5. What did you have for breakfast?
Lucky Charms

6. What is your middle name?
Ann

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Steak and potatoes. Chinese.

8. What are your favorite chips?
Depends on what I'm eating for lunch. Regular Lays potato chips, usually.

9. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
The one my daughter burned me for a gift. Love it.

10. What kind of car do you drive?
Chevy Impala

11. What is your favorite sandwich?
BLT, or tuna salad on wheat w/ tomato & lettuce

12. What characteristics do you despise?
Contempt for women, pompousness, control freakishness

13. What are your favorite clothes?
Comfortable ones.

14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
Austria (but Paris is obviously on my mind too.)

15. Favorite brand of clothing?
J. Jill, Eddie Bauer

16. Where would you want to retire?
Hawaii, Austria, Pacific Northwest. Spanish hacienda??

17. Favorite time of day?
mid-morning, evening

18. Where were you born?
Utah

19. What is your favorite sport to watch?
softball (daughter playing) and soccer (son playing)

20. Who do you think will not do this meme?
All those who don't want to.

21. Who do you expect to do this first?
I expect nobody to do this. If you do, great.

22. Pepsi or Coke?
Diet Pepsi with a slice of fresh lime.

23. Beavers or Ducks?
Is this a nature or sports question? Nature, for sure.

24. Morning or Nite Owl?
Nite owl.

25. Pedicure or Manicure?
Pedicure

26. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
Nothing new but all of it's exciting. I already told you about it.

27. What did you want to be when you were little?
Doctor, Advertising Exec, Artist

28. What is your best childhood memory?
That's a tough one. I have few memories of childhood.

29. Ever been to Africa ?
Nope, not YET.

30. Been in a car accident?
Never. I did bump someone's bumper once...no damage or harm done.

31. Favorite day of the week?
Don't have one. Probably Sunday now. I used to dread Sundays.

32. Favorite restaurant?
Cafe Baba-Reeba in Vegas. The restaurant in Hawaii that was so yummy.

33. Favorite flower?
Gerbera daisy, orchid, lily, plumeria, dahlia ~ I love all flowers.

34. Favorite ice cream?
Blueberry cheesecake, licorice.

35. Favorite fast food restaurant?
Dairy Queen

36. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Zero. I will not talk about how old I was when I finally did it.

37. From whom did you get your last email?
UK Lottery Board, telling me I WON!!!

38. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Any good art supply shop, Ethan Allen, J.Jill

39. Bedtime?
Should be by ten. Much later, usually.

40. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
Um, I don't expect responses, actually.

41. Last person you went out to dinner with
My husband, daughter, and BIL, SIL, and two nephews.

42. What are you listening to right now?
Godzilla on TV (hubby loves B movies)

43. What is your favorite color?
Green

44. How many tattoos do you have?
None

45. How many are you sending this meme to?
All of you who want to play.

46. Favorite magazine(s)?
Art of the West, Southwest Art, Martha Stewart's Living.

47. What time did you finish this meme?
5:31 p.m.

48. How old were you when you got married?
21

49. How old do you want your kids to be when they get married?
Old enough to feel ready and willing. But I don't care if they choose not to.