February 5, 2007

aka Madre

When you grow up in a family with 7 kids, you tend to learn certain things that other people (translate: those with only a sibling or two) never need to know.

1. Take all the food you want when you first fill your plate at a meal. There will be no second helpings available.

2. You must hurry in the bathroom if you want any privacy at all. Someone will need to use the bathroom before you are finished (doing whatever), guaranteed. There is something not right about hearing human breathing and scratching from the other side of the door while you try to take care of business.

3. If you go out to eat as a family in a restaurant (which may also include McDonald's, Taco Bell, or Wendy's), expect to be openly and obviously counted. It's fun to smile into people's pointing fingers and dropped jaws. It's especially rewarding to hear brave souls ask, "Are they ALL YOURS???" Duh. Can't you tell we all have the same nose and the same tallishly handsome good looks?

4. Cookies, the ones round and small and delightful, are only baked once every other year. It's just too damn difficult to roll 8 dozen cookies into balls first. Cookie dough is just as satisfying and delicious as baked cookies, so you may as well skip the labor part and get right to the enjoying. If you bake the cookies, they will most often be cooked in pan form, like brownies, and cut into squares for your eating enjoyment.

5. Mothers of 7 kids quit hearing the word "Mom" years before they should, simply because they hear it so often it becomes static background noise that is easily tuned out. That's why I had to invent new names for my mom that she would actually hear and respond to. "Mom" became "Madre" which later shortened into just plain "Mod" (or "Maude" may be a better way to spell it...I can't exactly spell it "MAD", can I?). Hence the reason her comments here will come from "aka Madre."

6. If something is particularly important, all kids who grow up with that many siblings learn how to perfect their own DAMIEN VOICE. This is the voice that not only gets your mom to actually hear you, but it also has the pleasing side effect of making your younger siblings think that you have powers within you that cause Satan himself to tremble in fear.

A person who knows how to wield this power is set for life.

Right, Eric?

15 comments:

Taiko Tari said...

hahahaha.... hahahahahahaha.
This is just a simply wonderful post. Love it, loveitloveitloveit.

I only have two sibblings, so all these things never happened to me. Sounds like fun!!

Cele said...

#3 reminded me of the movie Cheaper by the Dozen the original, when the lady from Planned Parenthood or Population Zero...what ever they were...was shocked to see all of the Gilbreathe children...except it was only half of them.

Freckle Face Girl said...

All absolutely true (although there were only 5 kids in my family).

montchan said...

right on with the food at dinnertime (or any other mealtime)!!! And you forgot this one:
You learn to eat whatever's on your plate, because chances are, if you don't like it, then someone else will. And you will go hungry.

Rebecca said...

Oh, I TOTALLY blame my inability to NOT finish my meal on my mother's inability to EVER make enough tacos. And the pan cookies? Yes. Because the stupid, stupid infinite cookie dough balls!

Sideon said...

The Damien voice comes in handy, though I wish it wasn't my normal speaking voice.

:)

Rachel said...

There were only 3 kids in my family but growing up LDS I saw enough large families for this to ring true.

Just one of many said...

My mom had 3 kids which seemed like 7 because she had zero maternal skills. Sounds like Madre has superb maternal SKILZ! BTW, sounds like you've had to develope some nice skilz too...

Genilimaa said...

There were only four of us, but still my dad would freak out at restaurants. He'd point to us, one by one, with his whole hand military style and yell "AND YOU'LL HAVE..???".
Time for fast answer, or watch parent spontenuously self-ignite.

Genilimaa said...

"Spontaneously"?

JMK said...

What's with rolling cookie dough into balls? That's insane. We always used two teaspoons. You scoop with one and push the dough off the spoon with the other.

My mission president and his wife had seven kids. Remember the Reber's, SML? Sister Reber always use to say, "After five kids, there's no difference. Five, or seven, or nine. It's all the same amount of work."

My mom had three kids, but she always said it was "six too many!" In this case, I think I the equivalent of four kids and my siblings were exactly one each.

Robert@iScatterlings.com said...

Blimey!

supernova said...

Hehe... Nice post! It's amazing how after a certain point of time, mothers just stop responding to "mom", "mummy", "mother" and the like!

T. Wanker said...

All this mother talk wigged me out a little bit -- to the point I couldn't post on your blog. I mean what if your Mom saw that you visited my blog of all blogs. I wouldn't want to get you in trouble, nor offend the saintly madre.

Ah, I'll just chalk it up to the whole Oedipus thing. Welcome, madre.

I am envious of SML's ability to have her mother join in the dialogue, but even at my age there are some things I really don't want my Mom reading about.

TW (oldest of six and proud of his saintly madre as well -- but I don't think I'll ever let her read my blog)

Bishop Rick said...

Greetings from New Orleans.
Hurricanes can be your friend.