I'm the Empress...Ooooh!

I took this test over on Sideon's blog.....check out my results!

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

50 Facts - tagged once again

I've considered refusing to accept tags, but until I decide for sure, I've been tagged again by my friend Poker Spice. I'm supposed to list 50 facts about myself. Sheesh. I can think of 50, but 50 INTERESTING things?? Doubt it. Good luck reading all the way to the bottom. I'll try to make it short.

1. I was born during a bomb threat at the hospital. I was actually delivered in the doctor's office across the street.
2. I was 5'9" at age 13 when I FINALLY stopped growing.
3. I despise pickled beets.
4. I visited a beach on the ocean for the first time last year in January.
5. My first flight in an airplane was when I was 18 and headed for Austria.
6. I'm drawn to and fascinated by the patterns that trees make against the skyline.
7. I always put my jeans or pants on first before my shirts.
8. I chain-eat Lifesavers Wintergreen flavor sometimes. The soft ones that dissolve instantly are the best.
9. Ich liebe Oesterreich.
10. I'd fly to Umea, Sweden right this minute if I could.
11. I find Grissom from CSI Las Vegas oddly attractive.
12. I'm fascinated by Asian women.
13. I'd like to paint people as well as Burton Silverman does.
14. My hands are often cold.
15. I love the poppies that bloom in my yard in spring.
16. I saw a glass octopus sculpture in an art gallery in Hawaii and have wished ever since that I had bought it.
17. I used to tease my mom about how big her nose was, and was devastated the day I realized mine is bigger than hers.
18. I won a Marie Walsh Sharpe Art Foundation Summer Seminar scholarship to study at Colorado College for over a week the summer before my senior year.
19. Barbies weren't allowed in our house when I was young because they weren't modest.
20. I think Cary Grant is sexy as hell.
21. I dread public speaking.
22. I once dreamed that three garden gnomes came into my room at my grandma's house and tried to get me. I would have sworn I was wide awake and it really happened.
23. I went to my senior prom with my friend Jill and a guy and girl from the special education class she was aide to.
24. Every time I would go camping as a kid, I'd envy guys and their ability to pee while standing.
25. Watching ballet always makes me wish I could dance like that.
26. I'm a sucker for old black and white classic movies.
27. I don't like Elvis. At all. Even a little.
28. I'd love to design my own house and art studio someday.
29. I love people watching. I love to wonder and imagine what their lives are like.
30. I've only been stung by a bee once (on my finger as I was taking the tin foil off of a cake pan they had taken to a picnic).
31. I never knew I enjoyed writing until I started this blog.
32. I wish I were multi-lingual.
33. I'd love to travel the world and visit cultural places far off the beaten path.
34. I don't like peanut butter. It's probably due to eating it every day for lunch while growing up. I will eat it under extreme duress, or when I just don't feel like cooking.
35. I was a majorette my sophomore year. I found out really quickly that I actually hated it (not as glamorous as I thought) due to weeks of practice, all for a measly 2-minute performance. I stayed in it one more year, because I had paid for all my gear myself, and thought maybe it'd get better. It didn't.
36. I'm not comfortable skiing. On snow or in water. Something about going faster than I can control.
37. I wish I felt comfortable posting nude photos of myself, you know, the really artsy black and white kind. I don't know why I wish this.
38. I wish I had my house to myself once in a while. I've enjoyed this a total of 8 hours in the last 14 years or so.
39. I felt so ashamed of not admitting to my LDS host family that I was 5 months pregnant when they came to visit me, that I dropped all communication with them and only resumed contact a year and a half ago. What a bloody waste.
40. I used to be an avid reader of smut novels. I gave up reading books altogether to focus on doing art and getting better at it.
41. Sometimes I give in to temptation and buy a full bag of Dubble Bubble Bubble Gum. I chew a new piece about every minute, to the point that my jaw and the muscles in my temples are sore for two days.
42. I've never skinny-dipped, but would do it now if given the chance.
43. And only if it's really dark outside. :)
44. I detest swimsuit shopping.
45. I heard the words "Cut the folderol!" too many times while growing up. I think it's fair to say that even hearing this asinine phrase ONCE is too many times.
46. Procrastination is one of my weaknesses.
47. I feel a real need to get better at "listening to understand, not to respond."
48. I've never tried eating alone at a nice restaurant, but every single time I see someone do so, I wonder what it'd be like to try it.
49. Blogging has given me a sense of self that I've been missing.
50. I'm compelled to think up a perfect finale fact for #50, but just can't think of one more thing.

Random Memory

I loved making Val laugh. She had such a cute smile and laugh. She was only a year younger than me, and we shared a room, so this happened often. We'd lie in bed late at night, and make each other laugh by being funny or making strange noises.

That night, I made a funny noise somehow, probably a farting noise using my mouth on my arm or something, and we were giggling so hard, but trying to stifle the noise. We were supposed to have been asleep a long time before that. I was probably around five years old, and she was four. We moved to Montana when I was six, and I remember we were in our bedroom in our apartment in Orem.

Right in the middle of a particularly giggly moment, our bedroom door suddenly slammed open, and hit the opposite wall with a bang, hard enough to bounce back halfway.

There stood Dad, furious.

He ground out with clenched teeth, "WHY are you not asleep yet? Do you have any idea what kind of noise you are making in here?!"

He stormed into the room while removing his leather belt. I was closest to him and Val was between me and the wall next to the bed. I cried out, "Dad, noooo!" but he came forward anyway, and I cowered as he reached over me to roughly lift Val by one arm until she was hanging above the bed a few inches. He dropped her to her feet, and his right arm lashed out with that damned belt across her legs and thighs. She screamed and cried out, and so did I.

"Dad, STOP! Don't hurt her! I was the one who made her laugh! STOOOOP!"

He kept hitting her, over and over, and Val's little body was trying to climb that damn wall to get away.

He finally stopped, and she crumpled into a heap beside me in agony. My arms reached out to her to comfort and protect her the best I could.

All he said as he left the room was "I don't want to hear ANOTHER sound. Now go to sleep."

Oh, Val. Sweet Val. Why didn't he hit me instead of you? WHY?! I would have taken that beating instead. Why, fucking WHY did I have to make you laugh that night?

Portrait

Don

I was commissioned to do this portrait in graphite during the week between Christmas and New Years Day. I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out, especially since I haven't drawn a man since high school.

I must admit that chest hair is very fun to draw.

Wisdom

Love and respect woman. Look to her not only for comfort, but for strength and inspiration and the doubling of your intellectual and moral powers. Blot out from your mind any idea of superiority; you have none.

~Giuseppe Mazzini

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.

~Lao-Tzu

Thou Shalt Not

Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

I was raised by parents who were born and raised in the Mormon religion. We knew early that we should not and would not say the name of the Lord in vain. It was understood that this was worse than swearing of any kind. We didn't dare do it. We weren't even allowed to say "Oh my GOSH" because this was too close to the real thing.

I only remember breaking this important commandment one time growing up.

The Scene: lunchtime in the cafeteria at my junior high school

The Players: me and about 20 other students

The Action: Andre, the only black kid in school (not that that is relevant whatsoever, I'm not even sure why I even said this or why I don't delete it now) stood up at our table and announced that he was going to make a little money. We were all immediately intrigued.

"Anyone who gives me a dollar is allowed to put one scoop of whatever food you choose in my applesauce, and I will eat it all, every drop. If not, you get your dollar back."

The crowd cheered and started pulling crumpled dollar bills out of their pockets in excitement. I watched in horrified fascination as cookies, potato chips, jello, cheese, hamburger patty sections, pickles, mustard, ketchup, green beans, twinky creme, salt, pepper, bread, peanut butter, oreos, peach syrup, and milk were added to his applesauce. His wad of money was huge by the time it was finished.

There was dead silence all around as he lifted the first disgusting spoonful to his mouth. As soon as he started chewing, it slipped out of me in barely a whisper.

"Oh...my....GOD."

In that single moment, it felt like I had screamed the words. It even echoed in my brain like something yelled across a big chasm. It was like I was standing naked in the middle of the crowded room. I felt physically sick, and I remember my horror vividly, as wave after wave of shame and remorse washed over me while I stood stock still, with eyes raised to the ceiling, knowing that God had heard me and was considering sending the lightning bolt through the ceiling.

I quickly left the room and ran to the bathroom, where I locked myself in a stall and said a heartfelt repentance prayer for my sin.

Fast forward to today, where I've reached the point in my beliefs where I'm wondering if there is even a god at all.

I've noticed something peculiar about me now. As I write blogs and comments and e-mails, I've discovered the joy of writing the words. Sometimes they have different meanings, it depends on the context of my conversation or thoughts. But I have discovered that it is the only proper thing to write sometimes. It just plain fits.

OMG
OMFG (yes, I even use the F word now too at times)
Oh GOD.
Oh GAWD! (thanks, Sideon)
God Dammit!
God, that sucks.
GOD, that's awesome.
Holy. Mother. of. God.
Sweet. God. In. Heaven.

I still can't say it out loud like I'd like to, unless I'm saying I swear to God! But that's not really saying it in vain. And this surprises me because I have no problem swearing at all. I enjoy it, actually.

So why can't I say GOD like I'd like to?