epic stench

This morning as we drove to the soccer fields, my son and his friend realized they better get their gear on. Just as I was putting a bite of a Pop Tart in my mouth, J said to me, “You might not wanna eat that, Mom. . .oh, too late.” Suddenly the WORST STENCH I’VE EVER SMELLED hit me like a sledgehammer to the face, causing my bite to taste like what I was smelling. K had opened his soccer bag and was putting on his socks and cleats. I literally began gagging and couldn’t quit, even after he got out of the car. I damn near drove off the road. I was forced to continue chewing that godawful bite that tasted just like the dark cloud of death until I could swallow and finally start breathing through my mouth instead. My eyes kept watering and my eyelashes went completely straight. As J and I were crying “Oh God, the horror!” K just kept apologizing and saying that he’s been wearing the same pair of socks since soccer tryouts began on Monday (twice a day, almost 100 degree heat). I’d rather be sprayed directly in the face by a skunk than smell that smell again. *shudder* I'm taking them after work back to the fields, and I'll be making damn sure he keeps his soccer bag in my trunk until we get to the fields, where he can put the socks on outside in the wide open wind.

I smelled the awful stench all the way to work. I STILL smell it now. I fear that the smell got in my clothes and hair, but I’m desperately hoping it’s just my imagination and that what I keep smelling is just residual stench trapped in my nose. I’m desperately trying to forget the junior high science lesson by Mr. Hornung about how when you smell something, it’s actual MICROSCOPIC PARTICLES OF THAT THING entering your nose and attaching themselves to the hair follicles in there. I just threw up in my mouth a little.

I'd have never guessed I'd be happy that today they have my front door open by my desk and are painting the door. AND I'm happy they are out there smoking, causing the smoke smell to come in my office on me. It drowns out the incessant smell of K's funkywrong socks. At this point I'd even welcome a diesel truck to park itself right outside my open office door. Frankly, I'd be surprised if that DIDN'T happen on this smellybadluck day.

Friday at last

I have been busy drawing portraits lately, which I will share (with photos of my process, just for Cele!) as soon as I finish. Also I'm in my busy time at work, but wanted to share a funny story from this morning.

I was driving my daughter (age 10) to her cousins' house this morning. We were listening to a song on one of J's mixes called "Shake It" that says "shake shake, shake shake sha-shake it" and next to our car a woman with a large backside was walking. S said, "Uh, this song does NOT go well with that girl." She cracks me up.

What a life...

Massage

The other day, my son and his friend were talking about their plan to go to the S-P-A. I asked what the S-P-A was and J said, "Uh, the spa, Mom. Duh." I was surprised they wanted to go to a spa. They apparently want to go get a massage.

A few days ago, I picked them both up from work. They talked about it again, and J mentioned to K that he'd look up different places and try to find where massages are available and schedule it up. I suggested a couple of salons that offer massage. K joked about finding an Asian massage therapist, and I laughed and said, "Oh yeah, you can call Tokyo Sauna!" then I laughed hard, and K joked then about how they could get a sumo wrestler to give them a massage and the subject was changed.

I didn't think any more of it until the next night, when my son told me he had called different spas. "But, Mom, that Tokyo Sauna place won't give you a massage unless you're at least 25." I burst out laughing and could barely choke out the words, "YOU CALLED TOKYO SAUNA?!?! That's a place for NASTY MASSAGE AND SEX!! Didn't you KNOW THAT? I thought EVERYONE knew that! What did they SAY?!"

J's eyes got huge and he said that explained it. He said a woman with a very Asian accent answered the phone, "Tokyo Sauna." (This story is most hilarious when told by J with a female Asian accent). He asked if they do massage.

[suspicious Asian accent]"How old are you?"[/suspicious Asian accent]

He lied, because her voice was so suspicious, and told her he was 18 rather than 15. She said, "We only do massage if you are twenty-five or older! Stop calling here!!" He was bewildered why she'd yell at him like this.

I'm STILL laughing that he called Tokyo Sauna.

No doubt

Have you ever made a decision in your life that, once made and acted upon, consistently and obviously proved to be the right choice?

Fun

All you need:

1. mini marshmallows
2. unscented candle
3. toothpicks
4. patience

S says the perfect roasted marshmallow happens when you light it on fire, blow it out, light the next side on fire, and blow it out until you are left with charred black gooey-ness. I say perfection happens when you patiently roast the marshmallow to a golden tan.

Mmmmmm.