tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32588204.post115928726687945672..comments2023-10-21T05:05:55.779-05:00Comments on Thoughts by Sister Mary Lisa: Freedom of ChoiceSister Mary Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00642154849765529070noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32588204.post-1159419070825737932006-09-27T23:51:00.000-05:002006-09-27T23:51:00.000-05:00After Lagoon, I'm pretty sure the kid is straight....After Lagoon, I'm pretty sure the kid is straight. Despite the log ride...Erichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13987508737466344023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32588204.post-1159392081710320822006-09-27T16:21:00.000-05:002006-09-27T16:21:00.000-05:00Eric, I love you as well. It's hard, but I've dec...Eric, I love you as well. It's hard, but I've decided he can choose for himself as well. And heaven help any members who say anything bad about me to him at church! <BR/><BR/>Janet, you are wise. Thanks for your advice. It really makes sense, and I appreciate everyone's wisdom. Parenting stinks sometimes! I'm thinking once he gets a job, a car, and a girlfriend, (or boyfriend, if that turns out to be the case) that this will all become a moot point anyway.<BR/><BR/>:) Thanks everyone. I really appreciate your sage advice.Sister Mary Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00642154849765529070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32588204.post-1159391715328596552006-09-27T16:15:00.000-05:002006-09-27T16:15:00.000-05:00I think you have to let him choose, particularly a...I think you have to let him choose, particularly at this age. If he was 5 or 8 or even 10, that would be a different deal. But he's 14 and he sounds like a reasonably smart guy. <BR/><BR/>For most teenagers, church isn't so much about a testimony of whether something is true or not. Any 'testimony' they have at this stage is largely mimicry of what they hear their parents, teachers, and peers say. For most of the youth, church is a social occasion where they can interact with their friends who understand and support their religious and moral 'values.'<BR/><BR/>Personally, I'd let him choose. He has the right to come to the same conclusions you came to, but on his own time and terms. The challenge for you and your husband will be to let him discern for himself what he'd like to do. In the end, you'll earn his respect because you respected him at time in his life when peer acceptance matters. If you force him to do something he doesn't want to do, he'll hate you.<BR/><BR/>Besides, even though people like you and I and many others find the church repulsive and unacceptable, there are worse places he could be on a Sunday morning. Perhaps the way to do it is to ask him each Saturday night what he'd like to do. This let's him know you've heard his desire to attend and you respect his ability to make choices for himself. A lot of what you're going through right now is likely very confusing to him and he needs time to sort that out. Attending church may be a critical step in his sorting process...<BR/><BR/>Just my (surprising) two cents.Janet Kincaidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01396294382570650966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32588204.post-1159386007777652792006-09-27T14:40:00.000-05:002006-09-27T14:40:00.000-05:00He's very smart and old enough. Let him decide if ...He's very smart and old enough. Let him decide if you can. He'll need to anyway, just as we all had to with just the opposite influence from our parents. At it's worst case senario (not at all true), it's still a force for good generally. So, what have you got to lose? His teens will challenge him enough on the go to church front...<BR/>Also, how many chances does a parent get to really lovingly teach a kid how to guide their own life based upon their belief structure. He has to know that he is free to choose what he believes. He is in the strange position of having his parent make a 90 degree turn very quickly. He may need time to decide what this means to him. <BR/>I love you! I wish I was closer to help you with this stuff.Erichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13987508737466344023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32588204.post-1159338037204303432006-09-27T01:20:00.000-05:002006-09-27T01:20:00.000-05:00I don't know about the whole "letting him choose" ...I don't know about the whole "letting him choose" thing. <BR/><BR/>BUT.<BR/><BR/>Do NOT let him go to the Zion's Camp thing. Are they doing it in Martin's Cove? They make the kids walk for 3 days and camp in the most remote, barren place in existence. They want the kids to get a feel for what the pioneers went through. The only problem with it is that the whole Martin-Willey Handcart debacle SHOULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED. It's retarded. Don't let him go. It's pure indoctrination. And it's unnecessary. The wear the kids down and then make them to the testimony/fireside thingees. Ugh.Lahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12780058272081102135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32588204.post-1159335171075347342006-09-27T00:32:00.000-05:002006-09-27T00:32:00.000-05:00The problem with letting the kid decide (which is ...The problem with letting the kid decide (which is what I think has to be done here also) is what about the things they will say about you guys (mom and dad)? Is it fair for him to be subjected to what might end up being some bad words being tossed around? I really don't know but i can envision such things. But if he makes his own choice you can ease your mind, maybe they'll drive him out who knows?SocietyVshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10892870801259282254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32588204.post-1159312172161925302006-09-26T18:09:00.000-05:002006-09-26T18:09:00.000-05:00I guess it depends on the age. My boys stopped goi...I guess it depends on the age. My boys stopped going on their own after I stopped. I'd be inclined to let a teenager decide on their own because they are reaching that age where if you try to force them in one direction they will naturally pull in the other. Present him with good information and let him decide on his own. Continue to discuss it with him. Don't attack his choice, but continue to probe various issues with him. For me, the most important issue would be how to determine truth and error. The church inculcates a pretty warped decision making process on his members and this is the most important thing that you need to combat; just because something feels good doesn't make it true and just because something is scary or uncomfortable doesn't necessarily make it bad.<BR/><BR/>With accurate information and a rational decision making process the choice becomes pretty obvious.Bullhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01343937101221163598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32588204.post-1159299574015362132006-09-26T14:39:00.000-05:002006-09-26T14:39:00.000-05:00I told my 9 year old that he can choose for himsel...I told my 9 year old that he can choose for himself when he becomes an adult. That as a child he needed to trust us as parents that what we were doing was for the best. You know what, he hugged us and said he new he loved us. We didn't hide anything from him. It wasn't that hard for us, he is at a "puddy" age. 14 is a different story...at least he knows that Scouting Blows!!! P.S. Your a GREAT mom!!!Just one of manyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16499357350979429777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32588204.post-1159288091395263352006-09-26T11:28:00.000-05:002006-09-26T11:28:00.000-05:00Lisa you don't know me, from well anyone. I don't ...Lisa you don't know me, from well anyone. I don't have the right to TELL you what to do. I am not in your shoes. You have a long, hard road ahead of you...but it could be a lot worse. Just think, you could have made this decision and been married to the Stake President, now that would have been a nasty road.<BR/><BR/>Having said that...I'm not telling you but asking you to consider the following thoughts. <BR/><BR/>In the long run J must decide for himself. He will soon see all the intend behind the invitations, the sudden attention, and soon the unveiled comments. <BR/><BR/>Whether he makes the decision this week, next month, or when he is 18 it will still be his decision. Sit down and listen to what he really has to say. Is he going because he feels he belongs there or as he said he doesn't want to be a quitter? If it's the latter, you shouldn't fear, because he will make the intelligent decision in the long run. Being a listening, loving parent is the best you can be. Also ask him, why they would or who would sign him up without his permission? What are his thoughts on this? Is it honest? It's an adult conversation.Celehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11471318342104018488noreply@blogger.com